They Call Me Hot Pants
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Tuesday, December 12, 2006
They told me, "keep your enemies close," but I keep them closer than anyone should
Cause the feeling of controlling my own fate makes me feel good
If I'm gunna get hurt I'm gunna do it myself
No one will get the satisfaction of cracking my shell
I've got a cramp in my neck from watching my back
And sure, trust may be something that I lack
But if I wanted real friends I'd put the gun to my head
Because opening up like that is just asking to feel dead
Call me angry or hateful or anything you think might be worse
but remember my words when you get yourself hurt
I preach intelligence, not hatred. Please understand
But my heart will be kept tightly clutched in my hand
I’ll do myself a favor and cover it in ice
It won’t melt every time someone says something nice
Perhaps someday I'll meet my soul mate
And perhaps I'll loosen my grip realizing its fate
The warmth they radiate with the affection they show
Will melt this cold heart like spring melts the snow
And perhaps like the spring it’ll bring warmth and happiness
But there’s still the chance it brings rain and distress
I could drown in a sea of happiness or in a flood of sorrow
But I don’t gamble with my heart and I always say “what if tomorrow…”
So just incase I'll keep practicing what I preach
And you can do what you want with the words that I speak
But don't judge me and the way that I live
Telling me to open up and give all I can give
You put your heart on the table every chance you get
And I bet you’ve been hurt by every person you’ve met
I’m never saying never cause there’s always that chance
But I’m not bending over backwards for every passing glance
One night stands and summer flings
No thanks I’ll keep myself safe for when I find the real thing
So you can say I’m resentful and bitter and all that shit
But all the stuff you call me doesn’t matter a bit
Cause you don't need to walk in my footsteps or listen to the message I spread
But I'm gunna play it safe so any pain that comes my way I'll catch miles ahead.
Monday, November 6, 2006
As it said in the subject, I'm really annoyed. I don't really feel like burdenning anyone by talking about this so I figured I'd let everything out in here and if people chose to give a responce they could. Heres goes:
Selfishness:
So how in the world is it right to be a guest in someone else's home and be disrespectful to your host, and their house? Eat all their food, hog the computer and TV, bitch and moan anytime anyone else tries to make a decision... You're in someone else's house! True, as a guest you're granted certain privelages. Theres certain things the host should do because its polite. So why aren't you returning the favor? Don't complain about how I act with my other friends in my home while you're a guest. Don't just rummage through my cabinets and refuse to give up the computer. Don't complain when 3 people want to watch a show and you don't. I don't care how comfortable you feel... thats just not right!
In class etiquite:
I'm SICK of the kids who constantly talk while the teacher is giving a lecture. 1) This is rude to me, and any other student ACTUALLY trying to pay attention. It makes it hard to focus and hear. My grades aren't going to suffer because some morons don't give a shit about the meanings behind events in a book or because they don't care how to graph the information found when doing a biology lab. 2) This is rude to the teacher. This is someone trying to help you better your life. Someone trying to get you somewhere in life. I'm not saying you have to love your teachers but you can certainly shut your mouth for a few minutes.
Group work:
I'm sick of getting stuck with kids who don't work/friends who just goof around and don't care about the grade. As bad is it sounds, when working with a lot of my friends... it sucks. They suck. They don't work and don't care about what gets done or what we get. And that makes me get really mad at them. Which then makes me feel like an asshole. Well... I don't care anymore. I want good grades and people are assholes for holding another person back. Sitting there doing work with one other person while the others joke around and at some points just flat out walk away and don't even stand with the group? Thats just rediculous. Its got me really REALLY frustrated.
My height:
Or lack thereof for that matter. No one will let me forget that fact. Look people. I'm short. I know I'm short. I've always been short. I'll always be short. I'm not going to randomly shoot up one day. This is the height I've got. It has NOTHING to do with you! NOTHING! My height holds you back in no way from doing anything you want to do. So why do we need to comment on it every single day? "You're so LITTLE!" No. I'm always 16 years old. I'm NOT little. I'm becoming and adult, and unless I'm mistaken everyone else my age is too. So why can't we act like it and get over the fact that I'm not at the average height? I have friends who are tall and people call them freaks? What the hell do you people want? You hate it when someones short, you hate it when someones tall. What the hell? Its genetics, people. Absolutely NOTHING I do is going to change how tall I am. I didn't choose it. This is something I can usually get over but is REALLY starting to bug me.
Theres plenty more I can rant on about... but I won't burden any readers (hah, like anyones reading) with my rants any longer. If you did, commenting would be nice... but whatever.
Current mood:  annoyed
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
I love Cate Fitz cause of this amazing convo. No wonder we're biffs.
YO its midge kid (8:56:46 PM): Every other Made episode is a punx rawker getting made into a chearleader or prom queen.
cateXchaotique (8:57:00 PM): ugh i know
YO its midge kid (8:58:21 PM): And their friends are like "zomgzzz you're totally changing I totally hate your gutz!!1!!1!1one!eleven!!1!! Lyk3 go away you po$er!11!!eleven!1!one!"
cateXchaotique (8:59:43 PM): LOL
YO its midge kid (9:00:09 PM): you know. cause they're hardcore punx and where TIES dude! AND AND AND...... STUDDED BELTS!
YO its midge kid (9:00:27 PM): They couldn't be a friend with a chearleader gross total cooties.
cateXchaotique (9:01:21 PM): OOMG LIKE THEIR SO BRVE OOMGZ I WISH I COULD DO THATZZ
YO its midge kid (9:01:32 PM): I know totally.
YO its midge kid (9:01:37 PM): But we'd be posers
YO its midge kid (9:01:56 PM): Duh I mean I bet you don't even listen to Simple Plan or like... My Chemical Romance.
cateXchaotique (9:02:04 PM): WHAT WHAT
cateXchaotique (9:02:06 PM): NO
cateXchaotique (9:02:11 PM): GOOD CHARLOTTE BATCH
YO its midge kid (9:02:24 PM): omgzzz dude they're POSERS!
cateXchaotique (9:02:32 PM): NO THEY ARENTTTTT
YO its midge kid (9:02:53 PM): Dude whatever. I've never seen them wear ties durr.
cateXchaotique (9:03:35 PM): YEAH THEY DOOO
YO its midge kid (9:03:54 PM): I bet they're black ties.
YO its midge kid (9:03:59 PM): Punx wear pink ties.
cateXchaotique (9:04:06 PM): pshh whatevz
YO its midge kid (9:04:09 PM): Cause we don't even care what people think.
YO its midge kid (9:04:34 PM): and if you're a HXC punx then you cover it in skull pins and stuff.
YO its midge kid (9:05:11 PM): Jeez Fitz I didn't realize I was friends with such a poser. Gross. Why don't you just go be a chearleader because obviously you're too happy to be punx.
cateXchaotique (9:05:33 PM): psh nuh uh. i know how to be punx rock. okay. i buy ALL my shit from hot topis becuase im too cheap to make it myself. got it BATCH?
YO its midge kid (9:06:25 PM): Yeah. Okay. Go listen to The Ramones and Rancid and The Clash you poser head!
cateXchaotique (9:06:51 PM): NO WAY. good charlotte is the only way to be. BENJI IS SO HOT OMMG HE SPEAKS TO MEE
cateXchaotique (9:07:01 PM): and dont even get me started on MCr.
cateXchaotique (9:07:13 PM): HOLY SHIT LYK. their lyrics are so deep and true.
YO its midge kid (9:07:24 PM): omgzzz. the way they do their make up makes me wanna suck their dicks cause I bet they even put eyeliner on THOSE!
cateXchaotique (9:07:25 PM): so eff off psh. ur the poszer
cateXchaotique (9:07:48 PM): OMGGG DO THEY CUT THEIR DICKS AND BLACK THEIR EYES LIKE ALL EMO KIDS?!
cateXchaotique (9:07:52 PM): THATS BE HAWTTTT
cateXchaotique (9:08:05 PM): wait it cut their wrists. whoops.
cateXchaotique (9:08:43 PM): WHATEVER. MY HEART WILL ALWAYS BE IN OHIO.
YO its midge kid (9:08:44 PM): omgzzzz we should have a pahty to cut my wrists and black my eyes and we can all have our own corner and our hearts can be in all different states
cateXchaotique (9:09:03 PM): OOOMGGG I WANT TO BE WYOMING CUASE THATS WHERE CHEESE COMES FROM
YO its midge kid (9:09:19 PM): Cheese is for posers
cateXchaotique (9:09:41 PM): AND THE ANNYOING FRESHMAN ON MY BUS LIKE TOTALLY LOVES CHEESE!! CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE ON MY KNESS OMGGG
YO its midge kid (9:09:41 PM): I wanna be in Alaska cause its dark there for an entire 6 months!!!!1!1!11eleven!1!one!11!
cateXchaotique (9:09:58 PM): the dark is so toattly out
YO its midge kid (9:10:09 PM): No only posers think that
cateXchaotique (9:10:13 PM): you cant fukin see your blood and pain washing away. get with it. durr.
YO its midge kid (9:10:19 PM): We told the posers that so they'd stop posing all the time
YO its midge kid (9:11:26 PM): Dude don't even okay cause I'm so emo and punx (cause everyone knows its the same) that when I drop my ice cream cone in the sand I use the broken waffle cone to cut my wrists and put the sand on my wound and drip the blood on my vanilla ice cream
cateXchaotique (9:11:31 PM): WELL YOU DONT DRINK THE RED BULL LIKE I DO
YO its midge kid (9:11:59 PM): No... BUT i USE THE cAn 2 cUt MYseLf!!!
cateXchaotique (9:12:17 PM): http://s35.photobucket.com/albums/d176/missfitz345/?action=view¤t=100_6783.jpg&refPage=60&imgAnch=imgAnch68 I WEAR BULLETS OVER MY HEART HOPING THEIR PIERCE IT AND END THE PAIN ONCE AND FOR ALL
cateXchaotique (9:12:37 PM): (...just pretend thats red bull)
YO its midge kid (9:13:07 PM): omgzzz kid your hair isn't even black wow okay whatever poser
cateXchaotique (9:13:18 PM): WHAT BATCH
cateXchaotique (9:13:22 PM): MY EYES ARE BLACK
cateXchaotique (9:13:28 PM): EVEN THE WHITE PART ALRIGHT
cateXchaotique (9:13:37 PM): DONT EVEN START OR ILL SHANK A NIGGA
cateXchaotique (9:13:41 PM): CAUSE IM HACO
YO its midge kid (9:15:25 PM): We don't shank niggas we write songs
YO its midge kid (9:15:29 PM): fucking DUH!
cateXchaotique (9:15:42 PM): WELL
cateXchaotique (9:15:43 PM): WELL
cateXchaotique (9:15:49 PM): I GROW BLACK ROSES
YO its midge kid (9:17:06 PM): I grow black roses that DIE
cateXchaotique (9:17:22 PM): WELL MINE BLEED CRIMSON BLOOB
cateXchaotique (9:17:28 PM): ...bloob
cateXchaotique (9:17:32 PM): whatEVER
YO its midge kid (9:18:01 PM): Yeah
YO its midge kid (9:18:02 PM): Well
cateXchaotique (9:18:06 PM): OH OH
YO its midge kid (9:18:10 PM): I drink crimson blood
YO its midge kid (9:18:16 PM): and eat black roses
YO its midge kid (9:18:22 PM): and cut myself with the thorns
YO its midge kid (9:18:28 PM): and bleed the crimson blood I drank
cateXchaotique (9:18:45 PM): I CUT MYSELF ON THE THORNS OF THE BLACK ROSE AND DRINK IT WHILE KISTENING TO SONGS THAT SPEAK TO MY SOLE AND WHEN IM DONE I BLACK MY FUCKING EYES
cateXchaotique (9:18:57 PM): mother fucker. you took what i was going to say.
YO its midge kid (9:19:28 PM): I don't have to listen to songs
YO its midge kid (9:19:33 PM): cuase I just write my own
YO its midge kid (9:19:43 PM): and all the papers have stains from my tears
cateXchaotique (9:20:33 PM): FINE BATCH. you lyk totally win. i fuckinn give up. I WANTED TO BE A CHEERLEADER BECUASE ITS TOO FUCKING HARD FOR YOUR EMOS SUCKS ANYWAYS. im going to suck a jock. FACK YOU.
YO its midge kid (9:21:26 PM): Dude I totally wanna be a chearleader I was just too scared to tell you. omgz.
cateXchaotique (9:21:38 PM): ...no way?!
YO its midge kid (9:21:45 PM): Yeah like... omgz
cateXchaotique (9:21:50 PM): OMGZ
YO its midge kid (9:22:28 PM): Considering we've been doing this for almost half an hour..... done.
Saturday, September 2, 2006
12:43PM
I'm getting 110% serious about music and starting a band. Yeah yeah yeah. What kid doesn't want to grow up to be a rock star, right? But I'm really serious about this. I'm aware that the chances of actually going anywhere with the band are slim to none, but I just wanna play, and try, maybe get some gigs and some fans.....
Sitting in my room at my drum set playing my myself is incredibly depressing. Looking over at my guitar and amp knowing someone could be there playing and another could be there with a bass, and another person screaming (meaningful) lyrics into a mic.
So this is for anyone who loves music (and who doesn't love music?). If you play guitar, if you play bass, if you sing... if you know anyone who does any of these things... if you just love music and would even be willing to learn one of these things so you could start a band, PLEASE constact me. I'm more serious about starting a band than I've ever been before. PLEASE help me out.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
3:53PM
Final Exam Grades:
American Lit: 88
Algebra: 90
US History: 96
Biology: 81
Health/P.E: 96
Animal Sci: 97 (I got thr highest final grade :])
Plant Sci: 88
Environmental Sci: 90
Computers: 93
4th Quarter Grades:
American Lit: 98
Algebra: 91
US History: 96
Biology: 91
Health/P.E: 100
Animal Sci: 88
Plant Sci: 95
Environmental Sci: 96
Computers: 94
Year Average:
American Lit: 97
Algebra: 89
US History: 93
Biology: 85
Health/P.E: 94
Animal Sci: 89
Plant Sci: 88
Environmental Sci: 90
Computers: 93
And I checked on what my GPA is. I have a 3.67. :]
1:04PM
If you REALLY wanna make me feel like the lowest possible scum to ever be on this or any planet in any galaxy of the universe, call me a bitch. Nothing makes me feel worse.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
7:37PM
If people don't shut the fuck up and get off my back, I'm gunna fuckin slam someone. Try me. Just fucking accept shit and shut the fuck up.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Well, I'm bored. And boredom is usually what drives me to post an entry on this pointless thing. I honestly have nothing to say. I could ramble about school, friends, soccer, music, life in general... doesn't matter. Who knows. This is just going to be a really pointless entry. If I were you, I wouldn't even bother taking the time to read this thing. But hey, if you feel like it, go ahead.
So... lets talk about freshman year seeing as it is quickly coming to an end. I could say it was hell, but I could also say this year has been one of the best years of my life. Lots of stuff sucked. I'll give you that. But honestly, I wouldn't change a thing. I've met great people this year. I know what a real friend is. I know what its like for someone to have my back completely. I just hope all these people know I have their back too. And I hope my old friends know I still have theres. At first glance, you wouldn't think I've changed. Talk to me, and you'd think I'm the same ol' goofball I've always been. But really talk to me. You'll see I'm different. I've deffinately grown this year. I'm so glad that I've met people who have changed me so much, but so little. People who have shown me that I'm okay being me. My confidence went way up this year. I gained real friends without feeling the need to change myself to impress someone. I didn't have to. People made me feel like me being me was good enough. I'm really pleased with how this year went. I'm really pleased with who I am, and where I'm at. Yeah, things could deffinately get better... but they don't need to be better. I'm content where I'm at.
This summer will probably kinda suck. I'm hoping I'll get to see my friends from Methuen and Lawrence and stuff a lot. A lot of my good friends live there now. And I hope I'll hang out a lot with old friends too. I'm just hoping this summer is good.
Oh well. Lets just take this one day at a time.
Soccer game tomorow at 11:50. I hope we do well. Lets go Raiders!
Monday, May 22, 2006
9:00PM
Theres such a thing as an unhealthy friendship
and maybe this could just be a cough
but this may spread, and turn into something so much more
an epidemic
an infected sore
I just don't know what to do anymore
cause this is so confusing
And I thought it'd last forever
but we're just losing touch.
As much as I don't wanna say goodbye
but maybe this is just the time
and we were tight, but some people grow apart
they change
they mature
I just don't know what to do anymore
cause this is so confusing
And I thought it'd last forever
but we're just losing touch.
So tell me where it is we go from here
cause I can't figure out up and down
but maybe you, can't figure out what to do
help me
help you
Cause I just don't know what to do anymore
This is so confusing
And I thought it'd last forever
but we're just losing touch.
losing touch
Thursday, May 18, 2006
11:22PM
today was perfect.......
until 11 pm. Why the hell did I have to not be able to sleep and sign online? Why the hell did I have to check her myspace? I'm so sick of feeling like I have to prove myself to her. I though we were BEST friends. And we hung out today, and had SUCH a good time. It was like old times. Like OLDOLDOLDD times. But she fucking favors INTERNET friends over me. INTERNET FRIENDS! Thats by far the most horrible feeling to ever feel EVER.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
7:54PM
THIS CONVO STARTS OUT WITH ME TALKING ABOUT THE NEW BIKE THAT I MADE, AND SARAH TALKING ABOUT HER BIKE, AND THE PLASTIC BEAD THINGS ON THE SPOKES ON HER OLD BIKE. NOW READ AND ENJOY!
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:34 P.M.]: LOLOL but it has decorations on it
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:35 P.M.]: ooh
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:35 P.M.]: like shiny bead things
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:35 P.M.]: that make noise
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:35 P.M.]: hahaha
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:35 P.M.]: Mine did.
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:35 P.M.]: I still have one on the new bike.
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:35 P.M.]: It doesn't make noise anymore.
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:35 P.M.]: I LOVED those things.
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:35 P.M.]: lolol
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:40 P.M.]: I hope it gets nice out soon so we can go mini golfing.
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:40 P.M.]: :-D :-D me too!!!
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:40 P.M.]: And so I can ride my bike lots!
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:40 P.M.]: lol
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:41 P.M.]: hahaha i refuse to ride mny bike
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:41 P.M.]: because i know
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:41 P.M.]: my dad would seriously make me wear a helmet
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:41 P.M.]: My parents let me stop this year. haha.
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:41 P.M.]: which everyone knows is about the least attractive thing that is meant to go on your head ESPECIALLY when mine is magenta with orange butterflies
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:41 P.M.]: 16 is the legal age, but Anthony stopped when he was 15.
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:42 P.M.]: And now I'm 15. No helmet.
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:42 P.M.]: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:42 P.M.]: OMG!!!
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:42 P.M.]: DUDE!!
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:42 P.M.]: That's fucking AWESOME!!!!!!
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:42 P.M.]: <----- MAD jealous.
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:43 P.M.]: LOL :-D
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:44 P.M.]: I already almost popped my tire.
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:44 P.M.]: :-D
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:44 P.M.]: i think this convo is myspace bulletin worthy?
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:44 P.M.]: I REALLY like to skid.
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:44 P.M.]: hahaha!!!!!
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:44 P.M.]: haha
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:44 P.M.]: No but really.
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:44 P.M.]: When you were a little kid.
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:44 P.M.]: you should borrow my helmet ;)
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:45 P.M.]: Did you, or did you NOT skid tons?
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:45 P.M.]: Cause I honestly think its the funnest thing EVER.
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:45 P.M.]: i didnt :-\ i dont think?
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:45 P.M.]: Its like... OMG
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:45 P.M.]: i liked to do retarded this
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:45 P.M.]: like
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:45 P.M.]: the most... wow.
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:45 P.M.]: try riding with my hands on the pedals
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:45 P.M.]: and my feet i the air
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:45 P.M.]: hahaha
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:45 P.M.]: or sitting backwards
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:46 P.M.]: Me too
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:46 P.M.]: hahaha
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:46 P.M.]: Standing up on the middle of the frame
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:46 P.M.]: Putting my feet over the handle bars
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:46 P.M.]: And I jumped off of EVERYTHING and ANYTHING I could find.
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:47 P.M.]: LOL me and katie almost got hit by a car when we rid my unicorn bike LMAO
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:47 P.M.]: UNICORN?!?!?
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:47 P.M.]: it was a teeny tiny bike as it was
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:47 P.M.]: and we tried to fit 2 people on it
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:47 P.M.]: yah
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:47 P.M.]: it was purple
XI WIN YOU LOSE [7:47 P.M.]: djshlfjhjfdhg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:47 P.M.]: and had a unicorn on the seat
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:47 P.M.]: and shiny streamers and everything
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:47 P.M.]: i think it had a basket?
rEm3mberxforEv3r [7:47 P.M.]: and it didnt have brake
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
7:42PM
Can you say blue sky, sun, and rain free?! It's about time. And yes, I took this. :]
Monday, May 8, 2006
How much force would it take to run head on into a brick wall to cause myself enough harm to not have to feel this anymore. Anything would be better than the emptiness I feel. Anything. Fucking call me emo, I fucking dare you. People have no fucking idea what the fuck goes through my head. People have no fucking idea how fucking empty my heart fucking feels. ALL I FUCKING WANT IS A PERSON TO GIVE IT TO! I just want someone who I can give my heart to and say I love you to. Someone who will tell me they love me. Someone who will hurt as bad as I do right now if I rejected them the way I've been rejected so much.
I'm so FUCKING SICK of being fucking ADORABLE! Fuck that word! Seriously! I fucking hate it!! I'm not your fucking little sister, so stop fucking saying that. I don't want to hear it anymore. I want to be hot. I want to be sexy. I want a fucking guy to hold me in his fucking arms and say "Baby, you're gorgeous. I love you." That's way too much to ask for.
I want a fucking best friend. I want a friend I can trust. I want a friend who will cheer me up. GUESS THE FUCK WHAT FOLKS! TELLING ME TO FUCKING SUCK IT UP AND FUCKING DEAL WITH IT DOESN'T FUCKING DO A GOD DAMN FUCKING THING!!!!!!! I. FUCKING. KILL. INSIDE! I hurt SO bad.
But no one knows that. Fucking no one knows how fucking bad I really am right now. No one even fucking gives a shit. I'm the motherfucking "happy" girl. My fucking role in life is to make yours better. Thats all. I can't ever be sad, can I?!
I'm in such a bad fucking spot. I'm so fucking pissed at where I'm at in life. Not ONE fucking thing brings me happiness. NOT ONE THING!!!! DO YOU FUCKING KNOW HOW THAT FEELS?! TO BE SAD ABOUT EVERYTHING, BE CHEERED UP BY NOTHING, AND HAVE FUCKING NO ONE WHO CARES ENOUGH TO TRY TO DO ANYTHING TO STOP YOU FROM FUCKING KILLING YOURSELF?! How many fucking times do I have to say I'll do it before someone stops me? How many fucking times?! Fuck this. Fuck everything. Fuck everyone. Fuck life and fucking fuck EVERYTHING about it!
Wednesday, May 3, 2006
We've been here a million and 1 times before.
And I donno if I can take it anymore.
We made in through middle school
will high school rip us apart?
You aren't part of my life right now
And theres an empty space in my heart.
We were so tight
We were the best of friends
We said we'd stick together til the end.
Seams as if the end has come too soon.
I said I wasn't gunna come back this time.
But you're the only thing on my mind.
We've gone through so much shit
Is this where its done?
I really hope this isn't then end
Cause we've had so much fun.
We were so tight.
We were sisters.
We said we'd stick together til the very end.
Seams as if the end has come too soon.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
So. I've seen people do these letter things where they don't say names but write a "letter" to a person. I figure I have a lot on my mind, so why not give it a shot?
1)Dear _____,
We seam to be getting close again. It's making me very happy. I've been losing lots of friends, and having old ones come back into my life is really making me cheer up.
2)Dear _______,
I'm glad that our past is behind us and we're becoming friends. Like I said to the last person, I've been losing a lot of people, and the new people coming into my life are making it so much better.
3)Dear _______,
I'm glad we're friends. Hasn't been long, but I care about you tons and you make me extremely happy. I'm glad your always there for me.
4)Dear ________,
Shut the hell up already. God damnit. All you do is complain lately and I'm sick of fucking hearing it. You're treating me like shit for no reason. You complain about how much people piss you off, and how stupid people are. Well you fucking piss people off too. So shut your fucking mouth already. No one cares.
5)Dear ____,
You flipped out for no reason. I asked one friggen question. Grow the fuck up and take responsibilty for your actions. You hurt a lot of people, but all you fucking care about is the fact that you're sad. Grow some you pussy. It's called life, and it isn't easy. Don't take your shit out on me.
6)Dear _____,
I don't know if you lied to me, or you lied to the other kid. But seeing as I'm your best friend, and this kid is some random kid you don't even know, I'm hoping you lied to him. But if you did, I wanna know why you think you had to lie to him. Whatever.
7)Dear ____,
I told you I like you, and not only did you ignore it, you act all wierd now. I don't care if you don't like me or not, I just want to atleast be friends.
Not all of the people I "wrote" to have LJ, but those of you who do, if you care like guessing which one is you, reply with the number. I'll honestly tell you if it was to you.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Ask me a question about each of (or any of) the following:
1. Friends
2. Sex
3. Music
4. Drugs
5. Love
6. LiveJournal
7. Other (open ended)
Don't care what it is, I'll answer and I'll answer honestly.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
I'm pissed off like CRAZY! Why you ask? Well, here:
1) People are really just plain stupid. If you're going to talk shit about my good friends, why not have the sense to atleast do it when one of their friends isn't sitting RIGHT next to you? Or even just flat out tell me how much you hate my friends. I'm obviously going to say something. And I'm obviously going to go up to my friend and tell them what goes on when they aren't there.
2) Why do people feel the constand need to talk shit about people when they aren't there to defend themself. This girl was talking shit about one of my friends the other day, and I was like "Dude, really. If you have a problem with her don't whine about it to me, go say something to her face," and she's like "Yeah right! She'll kick my ass!" If you don't have the balls to say something to someone's face, don't talk shit. When you have the nuts to go right up to someone and flat out tell them you have a problem with them, then you can talk. But if you're going to whine about how someone acts, atleast say it to their face.
3) How old are we now? The people who read this (that I know about) are either Freshmen or Sophmores IN HIGH SCHOOL. So why do kids still act like they're 6 years old? This girl in my class honestly through a hissy fit in every single one of my classes today. Math: She flipped out and refused to take the test because the teacher wouldn't answer her. She couldn't do one problem! So instead of just getting that one wrong, she decided she'd take a 0. History: The teacher told her she couldn't go to the office to sharpen her pencil because she already went once, and she decided, once again, she wouldn't take the test. Even though about 3 people offered her another pen. Later, he told her to move her seat. She wouldn't. He basically told her to grow up, so she stormed out of the room. (one good thing about that: She walked right into the door on her way out) Biology: She wasted the entire time laughing and being obnoxious, and when the teacher said to pass in the stuff she wasn't done. One more time, she flipped out. American Lit: The teacher wouldn't let her leave the classroom to tell her sister something (something that was complete gossip and unimportant) so she sits down and actually throws her folder across the room and refuses to do work. I even feel so humiliated/disgusted/embarassed/sorryforher that I get up and pick up her folder for the teacher.
GROW THE FUCK UP YOU PATHETIC, IMATURE MORONS! WE'RE NOT IN FUCKING THIRD GRADE, SO QUIT ACTING LIKE IT! WE'RE ALL SUPPOSE TO BE YOUNG ADULTS, SO START FUCKING ACTING LIKE IT! YOU EMBARASS ME WITH THE CONSTANT GOSSIP AND HISSY FITS! DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND KILL YOURSELVES!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
do you still think i'm a tease? after all ive said to you? after you dangled that thread of hope in front of my face and yanked it away all too soon? do you still think im a tease? when i finally had the guts to open up, be brave, and tell you what i feel? do you still think im a tease? after you told me you cared about me too? after you kissed me? after you told me that i had a chance? am i still the tease? am i the one messing with your emotions? am i the one telling you that i care about you, but id rather see how things work with something else? are you the one crying because i gave you a false sence of hope? are you the one who feels like shit because you let your gaurd down and opened up? i know you feel bad. youve told me you feel bad. and im glad you atleast feel sympathy about hurting me. im glad that you feel bad that im hurt. but im not going to say "oh, its okay" because its not okay. IM not okay! im hurt. and nothings gunna change that hurt. im gunna stay hurt, and it wont heal anytime soon. no matter how many times you utter the words "im sorry" its not going to take the pain away. itll be there. and when you decide youre ready for me, just remember. when i was ready, and you yanked that thread away and trampled all over my heart... remember. and if i decide i dont want to be with you anymore... remember.
Thursday, March 2, 2006
pick 10 friends. say what you think about them. dont say their name. but i dont wanna do 10. so im going to do 5.
1) Youre the best friend. ever. period. weve slightly lost touch but that doesnt change the fact that were sisters buddy. whenever i need you, youre there. even if that means sitting on the phone with me when i cry. youre always there.
2) You made me feel like i was okay. like it was okay that im who i am. you gave me the courage to tell people what i really am and not be scared. you are there for me all the time and can always make me happy. theres so much i wanna say, but itd seam really wierd.
3) You make me wicked happy dude. you make me feel like there really are good people out there, and i can tell 100% that youre actually my friend. you give awesome hugs buddy. and who could forget the infamous block situation we had a drama.
4) Youre my best guy friend, one of the coolest sophmores, and best high fiver i know! youre probably the only guy i can go to and trust.
5) Youre an online friend, but youre amazing to talk to. youre probably the only person i can be totaly open with when talking about certain... things. youre just a cool kid, and a good friend to have.
Monday, February 20, 2006
So, its 2:00 am. Im bored as hell and suffering from insomia. Probably all the thoughts rushing through my mind. So since Im bored and cant sleep, Ill make an update since I havent in like... a million years. Im pretty happy lately. Bens a fuck and thats the only thing thats been bringing me down. Im choosing not to think of him though. So today, I went to the mall/movies with Krystal, Richie, Nikki, and their friends. It was super duper fun. After the movie everyone was walking one way and me and Krystal hid and then left and went to Best Buy haha. It was fun. We just walked around making fun of people and playing with the radios and stuff lol. Oh, yeah. The movie was Date Movie. Funny stuff, funny stuff. Then I came home and talked online to Shannon and it made me sad because she made me remember when me and her were just becoming good friends and it makes me miss the old days lol. So then we decided were gunna hang out this week cause we havent seen eachother in a long time. I found out my cousin applied to Aggie! lol. I dont know why it just makes me excited lol. If she goes there Im gunna make sure shes a cool freshman.
Stupid thoughts making my mind go crazy: I hate freshmen year. It sucks ass. Trying to make new friends and find people to trust is so hard. I hate it and just want it to be over. I have a good idea who my group of friends will be these next 3 and a half years, but theres people who keep making me question that.
I like this person a lot. Period. Thoughts of them are totaly controling my mind. I dont know if thats good or bad. Whatever. They make me happy... so whatever.
Ben really made me pissed. He dumps me, then he starts telling me how he wants to be my perfect guy and talking about dating again. No. NOT gunna happen. I hate it when people are like that. Its like... you dumped me for my best friend. Why the hell would I ever date you again?
I dont feel like anymore. Im gunna go watch Sorority Boys. And even though this last part may seam like Im upset, Im not. Midge/Hot Pants/Amanda (whatever name you want to call me) is happy.
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